our cab driver is having phone sex.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
