the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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