all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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