I think my fart just growled at me.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
My pussy is not your playground.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
