I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Verdict: uncircumcised.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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