we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
