you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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