we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
