I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
