Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
