I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
