I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
