So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
