But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
