I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
