Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Randomize
