Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
