wrigley field is MILF paradise
I met the friendliest cop last night
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Michael Bay diarrhea
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
