Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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