operation harelip BJ is a go
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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