Three words: puerto rican gang bang
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
