this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
