The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
