I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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