you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
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