Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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