i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
she looked like the before picture.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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