I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I yelled at your uterus for you.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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