There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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