and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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