The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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