Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
