I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
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