I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
