my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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