if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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