oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
