if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
