meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
So much Jack, so little girl.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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