so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize
