just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize
