I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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