im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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