I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
