I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
