update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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