Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
