On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
