I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
