The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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