I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
how can u be prego again
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
