The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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