So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
