dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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