Got a toothbrush?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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