Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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