Buhtt sex?
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
