You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
just found out that she named her cat after me.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
