Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
