That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize