How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
