Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
