I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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