i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
