look no pants
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
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never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
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Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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