i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
