So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
