two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
