This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
