so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
