your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Randomize
