Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
