we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Only a mothe r could love this liver
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
