I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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