if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
