I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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