He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
is that a dick in a sweater?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
