i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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