I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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