i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
