So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
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When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
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I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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