Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
The dick lei will go down in squad history
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
