Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
