I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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