I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Randomize