I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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