Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
